I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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