We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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