Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
