I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
