Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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