You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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