I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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