we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am available for nakedness
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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