tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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