threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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