I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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