Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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