This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
