Where are you?
In a non slutty way
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
