I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
