so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
