I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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