At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
