Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
