Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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