My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there's paper in my vomit.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
