Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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