im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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