this beer tastes like vomit already
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
