I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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