Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
