Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
