i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
