So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
