Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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