Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
