FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
