Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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