i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
