Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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