i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
