3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
