Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
