That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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