What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
