When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
