Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
