I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
