Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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