God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
