I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
