The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
