mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
