i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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