Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
