You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
