i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
