I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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