dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
