I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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