so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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