i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
