we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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