Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
