Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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