Got a toothbrush?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
