Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
