I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
