If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
