ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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