shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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