I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
