her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
